![]() ![]() Ralph: Come in” this is the wrong structure for a script. Walks into the kitchen and pours a bowl of cereal, then someone knocks on the door) you can’t start a scene like this, you do a slug line, then the action, where you describe the place and the characters, so far, we know absolutely nothing of what the house looks like or what the characters look like. Ralph wakes up and washes his face, brushes his teeth. Every scene needs a slug line.Ĥ- (Scene 1. you also need to point out who is talking. Make sure you double check spelling and grammar.ġ- No title page, every single screenplay should have a title page, you just have the title on the first page.Ģ- “intro” you don’t “intro” a screenplay, you would do a voice over before you fade in. QUEENS HUT - LATER – NIGHT”- later is only used if it’s the same location. “FRANK- Well, that was nice of him” franks went from being confused to “oh, well this makes sense” “We we’re marooned on an island.” Always make sure your grammar checks out. “Warriors and the Queen EXIT:” This isn’t a play, you say they leave, its not a whole thing. The dialogue doesn’t make sense….sucking feet? Witches? Even for a scifi its just too odd…… “One old man FRANK, 70, sits on the dirt floor smiling.” You forget to describe the character again.īro….licking and kissing the “queen”? as if the guards wouldn’t have killed him before he even touched her? “They slowly regain consciousness looking around.” When did they even lose consciousness? “LATER – DAY” dot not use LATER unless it’s the same exact location. She was raped for how long in these lifes? And its just not that big of a deal? It makes no sense. Its like it starts in the middle of a movie you HAD to be there to believe but you missed half of it and it no longer makes sense.įor some people who have lived hundreds of years they don’t talk very sophisticated. Okay….I kind of get the idea of the story but it moves way to fast to make sense. I only use Katy when I’m in this dimension.” Also its unclear how they want from 1100’s to the 1800’s “What do you think Gangues Kahn did to me?” you should know how to spell names when using historical people. Nonetheless, this should have been an action, not a parenthetic. You misused the parenthetic again and put it by the name and not under it where it would go. Include actions in actions, not parenthetics. ![]() You also only describe what they are wearing and ages, what about their attitudes? Accents? You said 1800’s so why is this relevant? Do they act like they are from the 1800’s? Once they stop moving KIRK, 29, jumps up franticly looking for a stick to write calculations in the dirt.”Īre they not the same people who tumbled down a hill? You would say Kirk and Olivia are going down the hill. Both dressed like eighteen-hundred’s cowboys. “Two bodies tumbling and rolling down a hill of tall grass. Adding more detail would help with this as well as maybe not just moving on to the next scene when she is doing things such as showering or lighting candles, if it is going to be short the whole scene should be continuous to help bulk it up. I know it is short but that’s probably part of the issue, it is too short to be able to accomplish anything. Was “SHE” being naked the draw in? there wasn’t anything that made the story interesting. And describe how the characters act, how they talk,(accent etc.) So describe the location and what is in every single room, all we know of so far is candles a shower and some other small stuff. You do not describe the location or the characters, description is important as it will determine what the scene will actually look like. It’s a two page script so there isn’t much else I can say for getting to the 400 word minimum, all I can say is research how to structure screenplays. He rings the bell.” Do not direct the director. “From our view, we can only see him from the waist down. You did not introduce Mister, so as far as the screenplay goes, he does not exist. In this case, since it is one location, we won’t have this many scenes in a short period of time. You misuse continuous, continuous is used when the scene takes place at the same time as the last scene. ![]() Which would look like LIVING ROOM - LATER Only exception is when it is later in the story basically when you use LATER. So you would put BEDROOM then start your scene. Since it is the same location an entire slugline is not necessary, especially if it is continuous. The first time your character is introduced they need to be in all caps. If dusk is importance in the scene then you would label it like this “ - DAY (DUSK)” “FOYER – EVENING” – the time can only be DAY or NIGHT. You should have started with the actual house, not the room. The first slug line should have had the master slug line. ![]()
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